Hello!! Im new, would like your help...

[metalhead]

Hello!!
My problem: Some months ago, I was dating a girl for 3 months. I ended up stopping the relationship, because she was not a christian. Now she is totally over me, and has been for quite a lot of time, but I'm not. I stopped the relationship because I thought it was Gods will, and I trusted that he would give me something better one day, someone that I can also share my beliefs with. But it seems like God is dead to me. I just go around, constantly missing this girl, and I cant even focuse and concentrate on anything in my life, because this tortures me so much. At one time I was even so far out that I used the torture in my life against this girl, and blamed her that it was so difficult to me. So now, I cant be with the girl I love, and I have scared her totally away from everything that has to do with christianity.

I'm really depressed, and sometimes I blame God that he wont do a miraccel that will take me out of the pain

I'll like your prayers, and if you have any advice I'll be very happy!!

God bless you!!!

PS: Do you think its ok to dato non-believers....arguments from the bible??

[metalhead]

If there is something you did not understand, or anything else you wanna know please ask me

[executioner]

This is a tough situation, I've been through the same thing. This is my advice please don't take it as critism, take it as a brother giving advice to a brother that has been through this also. the #1 thing you need to do is give it to God and let God carry this burden for you. For me this is one of the hardest things to do because I keep wanting to take it back and fix the problem myself; Keep in mind that your timing is not always in line with God's. Another wise course of action would be to distance yourself from this girl. Until you do that you will not be free of the situation and it will linger and also affect your relationship with God. I had the same situation 10 years ago and I let it stick around in my heart and thought there was always a chance her and I would get back together, but all it caused was a lot of heartache for me. I was miserable for almost 4 years until finally I gave it to God and also stop being around in her circle of friends. I will pray for you and I know it is a very difficult thing to go through, but I am stronger today because of it and God will never give you anything that you can't handle if you let Him work it.

[metalhead]

Thanks man!!
Im happy to hear from someone who tried something that seems to be near my situation, cause my friends dont really understand it, they dont understand why this should be so painfull.
I think you are totally right about everything you said. We tried to be together a couple of times, just as friends, but it just hurted me, cause I wanted it to be more than that, and it made me miss her even more. I cant avoid her 100% while we are at the same high school, but I'll try as much as possible.

Ill really like to hear more about what your situation was like, and what you did and why....

Also I'll like your view on this non-christian girlfrind thing. I broke up because of whats written in the bible(2.cor. 6,14-18) , but I still can't see if it was really gods will, because she was pretty interested in christianity, and after I broke up, she dont even want me to mention it at all, she really turned her back on it.

[epdc]

metalhead, HI!!!!! welcome to the zone, I`m eloisa but everyone calls me elo


well, my opinion is based on what I have seen.- when my brother started to date his now wife, she wasn`t christian and he talked to her about Jesus and she met Jesus and now she is one.

My sister`s husband wasn`t christian when they met, later he knew about Jesus and became christian.


My point is that we gotta be open minded. BUT, CHECK THE RED SIGNS, for example, in my brother and sister`s case, their non christian couples got interested in christianity, they never had a religion fight ya know, they were open for knowing about Jesus (of course we were praying for them).

You said to me that she was interested in christianity, that`s a good thing , now what you would have had to do was to keep praying for her and asking God for wisdom for preaching the Gospel to her and to invite her to your church and stuff. If she would have been so like "I don`t wanna know anything about it" then that would have been your red sign.

But look, the past is the past, don`t regret, stop thinking things like "if I just would have done this or that..." look, is the past, you can`t change it. And believe it or not, God is there, God is in control and like excutiuoner said, in God`s time.

I`m 21 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. Sometimes I think the typical (hahahaha): that I will never get married, that there`s nobody for me, that God doesn`t care and stuff like that. But ya know, this is the truth, even if we don`t wanna accept it.- everything happens in God`s time and God is in control of everything, there are no coincidences with God.

Come on you are younger than me!!!!! hahahaha believe me, God has an amazing person for you, I know you might not be in the mood for listening this since you seem to still have feelings for her but believe me, God knows how you feel and He suffers with you when you suffer. Believe me, all this heartache thing, is temporal, it won`t last forever. hang in there *hug*, I`ll be praying for you...

[metalhead]

Yeah I know, I cant change the past. But I'll still like to know what the right thing in that situation would be. Perhaps I could get in the same situation again ya know...

So, should I have keps that relationship going on, and waited to see what would happen?? You know it was difficult, because my parents and friends said: read this in the bible (2cor. 6,14-18 and places in the old testament) and they reminded me of persons who came in my church, but not anymore because they got a non-believing girl or boyfriend which took them away from Jesus in the end.
Would you say that 2 cor 6,14-18 means that its wrong to marry a non-believer? wrong just to date one?? For me it would feel a little wrong to have a girlfriend that I KNEW I would not want to spend my life with, cause she was not a believer. But on the other hand, I felt like God used me somehow.....

It just keeps torturing me, because its half a year since this happened and I still have feelings for her, and I still have regrets, and I try just to give it all to God and not think about it, but it keep coming back to me...

Dont know what else to say, would like some response eventhough I know you dont have answers to everything...

[Shell]

This is a hard situation. You're rather young to be focusing on one girl, but there's nothing wrong with having feelings for her. Keep busy and get to know other people. Above all, ask God to give you wisdom on how to deal with this. There's no reason why God can't use you to bring this person to Christ, but you do have to be cautious about being seriously involved with someone who's not a Christian. It will end up being an issue sooner or later. That's part of the reason the Bible says what it does I think, but I think the reason it says this in the Old Testement was because the Israelites were surrounded by people who didn't follow God; they were given guidelines to help them avoid getting caught up in what the people around them were doing.

[charl]

Dude the first thing you have to do is stay as far away from her as possible.
There's even clinical evidence that it is much harder to get over a breakup if you are constantly with the person. Though most theories as to that are related to the pheremone thing, there does seem to be something to it. Anyway, people have probably said this already, but think of it as taking a bandage off. Quick with some pain is better than slow and excrutiating.

I agree with Elo, don't live in regret for your decision. It seems to me that your concience was telling you to break up with this girl, and if so, that was the right thing to do. I believe that God uses our consciences to keep us from being 'tempted beyond what we can bear'.

She was not the one for you right now. That doesn't mean that if circumstances are different, say you meet up in a few years and she has become a believer, that she could never be the right one. Though I do agree with executioner when he says to give it to God, and not torture yourself.

Though the intent of not being yoked with unbelievers was referring to the Super Apostles more than anything else, I think it can be applied. And Ezra and Malachi leave little room for doubt as to the problems of inter-faith marriages.

I personally would never marry someone who is not a believer-mainly because the non-christian would love their spouse more than anyone, but the Christian would love Christ more (according to his own command). This would cause no end of problems, with the non-christian becoming 'jealous' of God. I've seen that happen.
Also, as marriage is a covenant you enter into, it would be much harder to honour the covenant of God if you are also in a covenant with someone who does not have the same commitment to him. (did that make sense?) They would not be able to truly understand this commitment. It would be much more harmonious if both people were working for the glory of God, rather than one for and the other against.

I would also not date a non-believer, because as you said, I couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life with someone who did not belong to Christ either, and dating them from that perspective seems kind of pointless.

I feel for ya, metalhead. So often doing the right thing just feels so ugh. And sometimes there are no satisfying answers. But don't dispair-'God is greater than our hearts and he knows everything'. Perhaps you planted a seed in this girl's heart, or maybe this will bring you closer to God. He likes to work in mysterious ways, after all.

[metalhead]

Thanks to everyone who has written, it helps me!!
Just difficult when people the last months has said different things to me. Still not sure I did the right thing, because I felt like God used me in that relationship. Sorry I seem to be stuck in the past.

But thanks for the answers, you've helped me more than the main part of my friends has through the last months.

[epdc]

Charl, I agree, I wouldn`t marry a nonbeliever. That`s why you date someone, to know the person and see if you match ya know.

In my personal experience, I have seen nonbelievers becoming believers. BUT, HERE`S THE POINT.- ok, you start dating this nonbeliever, you pray to God to be able to preach to him/to her, AND, if the person is all close like they don`t wanna know anything about Jesus, then that`s the sign that is not gonna work out, because if you really love God you won`t risk your relationship with Him. BUT, if you preach to this person and this person is open to receive Jesus in the heart and becomes a christian, then I think that`s a green sign ya know.

OF COURSE, If you can date a christian WAY BETTER!!!!! because you are saving yourself a lot of problems.

metalhead, I know those verses and I`m agree with them. If you are dating this person and this person doesn`t wanna know about God then that`s definitely not a fair relationship `cause you are not on the same "side" ya know. But maybe this person will see Jesus in you and will want what you have, then you guys will be on the same side.


This is just my point of view, I have talked about this with my parents and they agree. Both of my brothers dated no christians and during the relationship their partners became christian. OF COURSE, you have to make sure the person becomes christian BEFORE considering marriage. because thinking like "oh, I`ll preach to him/her when we be married" NO!!!!!!!!!!! because you don`t have a guarantee the person will cooperate ya know, the dating relationship is the perfect place and moment for knowing if this person will share your believes or not.

This is just my point of view.
I thought the topic was very interesting because I gotta say this: I have seen guys that doesn`t have the "i`m a christian" sticker on their shirts but in their actions and attitudes you can really see Jesus in him ya know and I have met guys that keep saying "I`m a christian" and their actions say exactly the opposite.

So I believe that what matters here is not the "i`m a christian" sticker but also their actions and attitudes with you and with people. Because in their actions you will know them and you will know if God is in them or not, not in all the words they say about the Bible and God.

[Petrafan4life79]

I do have an example to give here. My sister in law married a non-Christian. My husband's Grandpa is a former Pastor and he's either done the ceremonies, or been involved with the ceremonies of his 2 kids and his grandchildren. Some of the grandkids have done premarital counseling with Grandpa and when he asked my sister in law's fiance (at the time) at their premarital counseling if he knew Jesus as his personal Savior and he said no. When asked if he was interested in getting saved, he said not right now. They still got married, and my sister in law keeps saying he is a Christian so she doesn't know why he said what he did. The husband is Catholic and my sister in law now goes to his church. Her family is a bit upset because she married a non-Christian and also went back on her promise from years ago to her Grandpa that he would perform her wedding. He had a small part in it. So, then they had a baby, and they had him baptised in the Catholic church, but just to save face, she also had him dedicated. The family feels she did it to keep her parents and Grandparents happy.

We've felt she's jeopardized a lot by marrying this guy. Her Dad did not want to give his blessing, but he knew she'd rebel if he didn't, and who knows where that would take her. She's already distanced herself from the family to mostly just holidays. It's like she's trying to live 2 lives and I can't imagine how miserable she might be always walking on egg shells to keep both families happy.

This is a girl that went to Amsterdam twice on missions trips, very involved in the church, would always call my husband at least once a week and go over prayer requests (she has called him maybe twice since she got married), was always up for a prayer or reading the Bible. Her and I had been pretty close. She never emails or calls me anymore.

She met her husband at work, moved out all of a sudden like (no reason to), married him and got pregnant all in a year's time. I feel because of her dating/marrying a non-Christian that he has pulled her away from God and her Bible. Maybe not verbally, but spiritually.

[charl]

Petrafan4life79-that unfortunately is a pretty familiar story.

Elo-I agree with what you have said, especially:

So I believe that what matters here is not the "i`m a christian" sticker but also their actions and attitudes with you and with people. Because in their actions you will know them and you will know if God is in them or not, not in all the words they say about the Bible and God.

Absolutely! And I do think it can work exactly the way it did for your brothers-that's so great! I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with that in general.
But I think that in Metalhead's own case, if his concience was bothering him about dating a non-believer, he did the right thing in breaking up with her.
And Metalhead-maybe God already has used you! Never underestimate him!

I guess I have to say something about the way I personally approach dating. I probably wouldn't date someone I didn't know well. (no blind dates thankyou ) so I would already know what a person believed before I dated them. That's just my way of doing things though.

I'm more into being friends anyway. Less complicated

[metalhead]

Okay, I think Elo is totally right about the red/green light thing. If you get a sign to keep it going then do it, if not, stop it because you put yourself in a great risk, thats too diffecult to control.
In my own case I think I should have kept it going a little longer because she asked a lot of questions about my faith, but on the other hand she said that she was as close to 100% sure that she would never be a christian as its possible to be, so Im pretty sure she would not have become a christian. Its also difficult for me to see if she was really interested in christianity, she was probably just interested in me, and since it is such a big part of my life, she asked a lot about it. We also both knew all the way that it would probably not gonna last very long, we could both see that in the long run it could cause some problems.

One of the things thats diffecult for me to handle is what I did afterwards. I was so sad and it did not stop, she was sad about it for a time, but then she was over it. And then I began blaming herfor different things, that was not her fault. I said things to her that I dont even wanna tell you. I think that scared her pretty much away from christianity, so its difficult for me to believe that I could have planted a seed in her. But luckily she a very forgiving person, so she has been able to forgive me for the things I've said because she know I love her, and would not hurt her, and did it because I felt a lot of pain. So there is no bad relationship between us now, but we have agreed that I should stay away from her, because I only put myself into pain talking to her.

A also agree with Charl. I would not start a relationship with someone I did not know at all. I knew this girl for some months before we started that relationship, so I knew she was not a christian, you know I was just more in love than I had been before, so its difficult to stop things going...

Im happy to hear your stories about christians bringing non-christians to christ through dating-stuff. God is working! Personally I have only seen the bad situations, non-christians taking christians away from their faith, so off course that also scared me a little.

Dont know what more to say, you have helped me to make the situation a little more clear to me. Im really thankfull, because I dont think my friends did ever see how difficult a situation it is. I try not to regret anything and dont look back. Its easier said than done, so please pray for me! Also pray for the girl....that she wont be bitter on christians in generel, that she wont blame other christians just because Ive not always been fair to her. And that she'll stay as an open minded girl, which was one of the things that I like(d) about her. And of course in the end, if its possible, that she'll find the truth.

God bless you guys!!!!

[epdc]

Jenniffer (petrafan4life79)

that`s EXACTLY MY POINT!, before she got married SHE KNEW he didn`t want to become a christian, that was the HUGE RED LIGHT and she didn`t listen to it. that`s exactly my point, you date someone `cause you wanna know the person to see if you could marry him/her. that was her red sign.


metalhead.- ohhhhhhhhhh ok then, she didn`t seem interested in becoming to Christ? that was your red sign my friend and you passed the test

there`s something I wanna say: I believe that if a christian falls *that* easy and goes through the way the nonbeliever has, then maybe you weren`t a tough christian at all. we can`t blame the nonbeliever, we as christians can think and know how to decide, those are decisions people make. I believe that if you fall and go away you weren`t strong since the beginning. if you are strong in your faith and you are secure of yourself then no partner is gonna take you away from it.

charl, i agree with you, friends are easier lol.

[metalhead]

Hey,

Please pray, pray and pray for me. I was just in town, and i passed her, just said hello, nothing more, cause I know I have to avoid her. But still it was like to get a knife in my heart. I am in the same high school as her, but because of exams I have not seen her for a while, and right now the only thing I want is to die because of this pain. Know it sounds extreme, but its the truth. Off course I have tried to have feelings for someone that I could not be together with before, but this is much deeper, and I hate my life without her. Please just pray, cause as I see it I can do nothing else than that...