Hello!! Im new, would like your help...

[epdc]

*hug* i`ll pray for you....believe me, God will give you the strneght to go through this...

[metalhead]

Pretty difficult to believe, when thats what I have been praying for, for 6 months but it has not changed at all...why should it now?

[Shell]

God doesn't promise a pain-free existence. The key now is trusting Him with what you're struggling with. I know it stinks right now, but it will pass with time, although it may take awhile. You're only still in high school, you're rather young to have met your "one and only."

[charl]

Okay this may sound a little off the wall, but recently I heard somone say that ending a serious relationship is a little like a death-ie that you have to grieve for what you lost and what never was before you can move on.
It sounds like this is what may be happening to you, metalhead. Maybe you just have to grieve awhile.
Conversely, I might suggest getting out and doing something. You must be just about finished school, maybe you could stay with a relative and/or get a summer job, you know, something to do. Yeah distraction-it does help sometimes. Eventually (hopefully) at one point it ceases to be distraction and you really have moved on.

I know it can be tough because everyone may say, 'well you're young, you'll get over it' and it feels like they are being dismissive. Really they're not-they've just been through similar experiences. It may take time and tears, but it will get easier.

[metalhead]

Well I think you are right, I just have to go through this crap. Eventhough its so tough. It just makes it more difficult to see so many of my friends ending a relationship and perhaps get a new girlfriend a couple of months later. It makes me crazy....why shall I struggle with that kind of things for so many months when most other people get over it after, lets say 2 months.The positive thing about that is that I proved to myself that I take that kind of things seriously, and I think its supposed to be serious when you are in a relationship. But still crazy that it shall take so long time for me.

Thanks for the suggestions. Luckily I have a lot of things to do with friends in the summerholiday, and thats nice to do something, but the pain is still there inside of me...

[seichu kaisho]

I have met guys that keep saying "I`m a christian" and their actions say exactly the opposite.

Yep. I know some people at college who told me they were Christians, but their interactions with other people in secular environments seemed to disprove it. Not everyone who claims to be a Christian, goes to church, or listenes to Christian music, is really a true born-again believer. I know not to trust everything peole claim about themselves.

A Christian friend once told me that if someone either tells you they are Christian, or shows a sign of very likely being so, you should ask them (if the time is right) how they came to know Jesus. Their response to that question might be for you an indicator of their spiritual status.

[seichu kaisho]

I have scared her totally away from everything that has to do with christianity.

Very familiar idea to me. Several times this past year, I've made the horrible mistake of preaching to other students in ways that were rude and overbearing, or bringing up gospel-related conversations at inopportune times. Terrible mistakes I hope I'll never do again (I'm SURE I'll never do again because I've learned. . .) Not only was it a VERY scary feeling while I did it, but the shame and regret lasted for weeks, even months afterward. And it makes you afraid to see that person again, and worried that they might think of you as an eccentric, overly-religious freak. And most likely, unkind preaching will hurt someone's feelings, and turn them further away from Christ than they were before.

But at least for me, time heals wounds and I got over those regrets. And through these events, it's become more clear to me that, although I should be bold to share the gospel, there are still right times to do it, and wrong times to do it. When Jesus walked the earth, I'm sure He wasn't preaching every single hour. I've prayed to God that from now on I'll know when to and when not to. He's revealed to me that these are the times to do it:
A - when a conversation leads to it, or someone else brings it up first
B - when you have the right words to say (a.k.a. God gives you the words)
C - when you feel confident and not scared out of your mind about bringing up the topic, even if your'e naturally a little bit tense.
D - if you are close friends with the persons you're talking to and have known them for long time
E - if you know that the people you're talking to are interested in religious discussions
F - when you're emotionally all right - not dealing with anger or other negative feelings that could get in the way of how you talk to others
G - when you actually WANT to do it!!! If God provides the opportunity, why whouldn't He provide the desire?

Now of course, I'm not worried about what someone thinks of me if I shared the gospel to them in a way God wanted me to. The Holy Spirit has been an indicator to me about whether I did it right or not. If I look back thankfully on a gospel conversation you had with someone, then God's telling me I did it according to His plan. (Though Satan may tempt me to feel ashamed, God will still give me a sense of assurance that I did it right.) But if I look back regretfully on a conversation that seemed like a clash, then it was done incorrectly. (red flag)

So I trust God that next year, I won't screw up like that again, but that I will preach only when necessary, but constantly share Jesus through my actions. Even if I just say "I'm praying for you" or "God bless you," that could still go a long distance.

- - - -
I know this has almost nothing to do with Metalhead's situation, but I thought it cool to share this anyway. But Metalhead, I know very well the searing pain of regret. You have my pray-ers.

[epdc]

i like the way you describe when to preach, i think is a very good guide for knwoing when ya know.


in my case, sometimes the topic comes by itself ya know, I don`t start right away "receive jesus" but ya know if someone asks me why am i different i say God changed my life or stuff like that ya know, i slowly bring the topic up ya know.

[seichu kaisho]

That's right - I agree with you epdc. Going too fast creates problems. Best to take it slow and steady, like any other conversation - and just be a normal, approachable human being. If I jump around too fast with the gospel, or be too intimidating, it'll scare people away from Jesus and away from myself. Let God do the "intimidating" and conviction if necessary; that's not our job. I also learned it's best to allow them to say as much as they want and follow along with them - if I do all the talking, whoa baby that's rude. So is putting them on the spot and making them feel uncomfortable. Let them feel ashamed before God (temporarily), not before other people.

I think these same things also apply when talking about the faith to people who are already Christians. I would guess that a few of the friends I "witnessed" rudely to might have already been saved. But just because someone is already a born-again believer diesn't mean they're interested in talking about Jesus all the time, nor would they want some annoying creep on their back proselityzing at them I sure wouldn't.

- - - -
Sorry, Metalhead, about having veered so far away from your subject. I wish I could be more helpful you with your situation, but I've never dated before. I guess I can say I feel the same way you do about how God's plans often seem to be way wrong, and I've gotten so upset at God before for allowing certain things to happen. But at least I can say with utmost thankfulness that there has never been a single bummer in my life which I haven't triumphed over. I've been in some really shameful and excruciating situations before (often related to academics ), but now I look at where I'm at now and it seems as if a lot of those problems never happened, because they no longer jeopardize my life.

[gman]

I didn't read all the posts, but let me say this. You need to hang with christian friends, go to church, read the bible, listen to christian music, etc., etc. As much as you can. Why? The bible tells us what things we should be thinking about, so we can do so and not leave room for things we need to not think about. If you have something in your life that your trying to get rid of (could be anything), it's not enough to just try and get rid of it. You have to replace it with other things, or it will come back. If someone is struggling with a sin, it's not enough to just push that sin away. If they don't replace it with good things, it will just come back.
Ultimately, you can't run away from who you are, but you can change who you are.
The thing that really worked for me was to stop putting my focus on finding a girl, and focus instead on enjoying life and being about God's business; knowing that someday he would take care of the girl thing, and no amount of my worrying could speed that up.