Holiday Eating Tips

[SamScales]

Holiday Eating Tips...

1. Avoid celery sticks. Anyone who puts celery on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see celery, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can...and quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips: start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, egg-nog in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"

~Happy Holidays~

I got this from the Indie Heaven Zone.......this was just too cool and funny, so I thought I'd share it.

[brent]

To clear the air of unwanted relatives and or their duffus offspring, place the remote controlled fart noise maker behind grandma's chair and tape down the button.

[Shell]

That is a riot...But I didn't see anything about making sure you're sufficiently stuffed for the mandatory after dinner nap and trying not to be too annoyed at the men's being so obsessed with those DANG FOOTBALL GAMES!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha.

[Susannah]

I LOVED that! I wholeheartedly agree...well, almost. I like fruitcake. And I don't like eggnog, but I believe in the whole idea behind it. Which reminds me, anyone here remember our discussions about dewnog a few years back? For those who missed out, someone here (or someone who used to be here) came up with the idea of mixing eggnog with Mountain Dew, and calling it dewnog. Anyway, it sounds totally gross to me, but some people actually liked it!

[Shell]

Dewnog? Yuck, that sounds totally revolting. I love the one about mashed potatoes and gravy, I've been known to make volcanoes out of my mashed potatoes. Hey, it's part of the fun of Thanksgiving and Christmas.

[SamScales]

Ooh, I remember the Dewnog!!! It sounded so nasty to me. I never tried it. LOL, I think it's funny that people actually tried it out, but I guess you can never knock something down unless you tried it. After all we mix 7 Up with icecream or sherbet to make punch........so why not Dewnog.
Man, I can't believe I haven't had any eggnog yet!!! I love that stuff!

[seichu kaisho]

How can people enjoy watching sports on TV,for cryin' out loud?

The game's only good when you're at the game!

[calicowriter]

SAM: LOVE the list! As a hostess, nothing irritates me more than people who show up and won't eat because they ate before they left or they are watching their weight. And as for mashed potatoes, have you seen the commercials where they suggest using chicken broth instead of milk in the mashed potatoes? That borders on the obscene. I myself go beyond whole milk - I use evaporated milk and lots of real butter. Yum!

[Shell]

Mashed potatoes are not mashed potatoes if they aren't made the
artery-clogging way and smothered in gravy. You can watch your diet the rest of the year.

[SamScales]

I like REAL potatoes mashed up, mixed with REAL butter (go away with the hydrogenated oil margarine) and good gravy on top! I agree, Bridget, I'll diet AFTER the holidays!