New PETRA album soon...?

[Shell]

I looked to see if it was still on some of the older pages, but I don't think it is. I don't really remember what the title of the thread was though...Basically people just made funny posts about the picture of the guy in the cornfield; you'd have to read it to appreciate it. I don't know if there's any way to get to old threads though.

[Jonathan]

I carry a pen around like Bob Dole.

[seichu kaisho]

Ya know, I think that stuff was on thepetrazone.COM (what this used to be) before that website died and we had to change to this one.

As far as I know, our posts on the .com forum are history.

[johntheumfreak]

okay

[sue d.]

Never fear - I KNOW I have it saved on my hardrive - for such a time as this.

Let me dig a bit, look around - and I'll post the story in it's entirety... it never was finished - so maybe we can have a "finish the Clueless Pethead Dude" story right here.... stay tuned....

[epdc]

do you know what`s the good thing if forgetting things? that we get to enjoy them again like if they were new

[sue d.]

TADA! Here it is... it took me FOREVER to find it - and I finally did retrieve it in my old email inbox, of all places from back in May 2003!

Here's the tale as far as I got with it... mind you, these were posts that occured over a period of weeks - I did NOT write this all in one sitting!

The story is written in the first person by the Clueless Dude on the album cover. You really do need to look at the album cover to understand this story... otherwise it'll sound really, really dumb (you might think so anyways!)

MJ, do you still have it on your website or hidden on your hardrive?

Have fun, enjoy - and maybe someone can finish it???

========================================


Hello folks.... many of you have been wondering just WHO I am and what I'm doing, staring into space on Petra's website.

Well, to clear up the controversy and numerous questions, I am here to tell you that yes, I AM a Pethead and have been for some time, dating back to the early guitar-graphic albums.

I've always been fascinated with the thought that there really ARE flying Petra guitars manned by little tiny Petheads in outer space, and I've dedicated my life's work to proving there is such a thing.

Of course, I've had to do this "undercover," sort of like Superman posing as Clark Kent.

As cover for my real ambition, I took a job as a receptionist at "Private Eye, Ears, Nose & Throat Investigation," a detective agency dedicated to snoop out the TRUTH on anyone and everything known to man. Our motto is "We will stop at NOTHING to get to the bottom of this!"

Without my company's knowledge, I've used many of our firm's resources to try and contact our fellow Petheads in outer space. My methods include internet postings on every and all alien message boards, interterrestial boards, music boards of all sorts, and generally spamming any and all email lists in an attempt to make contact with these elusive beings.

I've also used our infrared night-vision equipment, staking out and stalking at various Petra concerts in hopes of seeing the little alien Petheads make an appearance.

I've held my own red laser pointers skyward, night after night, writing "Come and Join Us" in the heavens, hoping against hope that SOMEONE 'out there' might see my message and respond.

These and many more have been my methods; alas, to no avail.

Imagine my shock when one day, as I was scouring the flat and barren terrain of the Kansas fields (I figured if DOROTHY & TOTO had an encounter in Kansas with the Wizard of Oz - and the Witch - who, btw, DOES appear on Petra's album! - Kansas HAD to be the place for MY Pethead encounter!) - I discovered this IMMENSE indentation of.... you guessed it - a FLYING GUITAR!!!

I KNEW IT - I JUST KNEW IT! My intuition was RIGHT - there WAS a flying Petra guitar... somewhere... out there...

oooohhhhh <gasp, pant, cough, wheeze>, just thinking about it makes my hackles raise. I must stop for now and catch my breath.

If any of you have any questions, feel free to ask here. I am here to tell the TRUTH. This is my name:

Tootell A. Truth

I will continue my story once I calm down.....

I am back..... I had to take a trip to the pharmacy to renew my prescription for my inhaler. Those asthma attacks are becoming more and more frequent as the excitement builds towards Aug. 12, when the new Petra album comes out.

As far as the crop:
It is not one that is readily seen in the U.S. Those are actually bamboo. Yes, bamboo shoots. If you've noticed, there is a plethora of bamboo shoots in little Chinese arrangements making an appearance in many of today's modern homes and offices. This seems to be the fad lately - bamboo is said to bring good luck and joy to the owner. So now everyone is buying them. Have we seen more good luck and joy? I am skeptical, but open to the idea.

True to the American way, someone here in Kansas decided to capitalize on this new trend and planted an entire field of it. Yes, he faced major irrigation dilemas, but as you see, the crop is coming in nicely. He sends out guard dogs into the area ever so often, searching for signs of stray panda bears. As you know, pandas are extremely fond of bamboo, and can ruin an entire planting in one evening.

Why am I wearing a tie? As you recall, I DO work in an investigation office. My boss, Git D. Lowdown, insists we dress appropriately, which means suit & tie at all times.

Often I pursue my own Petra investigations right after work, not stopping home to change, as that would take away precious time from my MAIN objective - to discover new life and new civilizations, to BOLDLY go where no man has gone before: into the realm of the Petra Flying Guitars.

I will continue my story shortly..... (a lady just walked into the office, inquiring about our stake-out services.... seems she thinks her son may be listening to too much Third Day, as his voice is starting to get very, very raspy and she can't even see her son's eyes for the long stringy strands of hair now growing over them)....
---
She just told me that since listening to Third Day, her son no longer likes PETRA and thinks they have been around TOO long!!!!

OH, this is SERIOUS, folks!!!! I must help this woman discover the truth about her son's obsession, and remove the veil of darkness from his eyes (a trip to the barbershop would take care of it... I'll suggest that.).

---
Well..... I'm back. That lady took longer than expected. Boy, I feel sorry for her. From what she told me... whoa.... poor kid... he even gets up at sunrise on Sunday mornings, shouting "Come Together." I sure hope he can be turned around before it's too late. I think "Sleeping Giant" would be a more appropriate song (and thing to be doing!) at 5 a.m.

Back to my tale.... as I was saying before, I discovered this guitar-shaped indentation in the bamboo fields of Kansas.

It appeared to be an alien crop circle - but it was NOT in the shape of a circle, so we can't really call it that.

Upon closer investigation, I noticed a few very small but long indents radiating out from the "neck" of the guitar. I can only imagine this to be the marks of BROKEN STRINGS - someone had not piloted the 'guitarship' (for lack of a better word - NOT to be confused with Starship of Jefferson fame) very carefully. Who could this pilot have been? A clone of BOB? Perhaps Pete, who has been known to break strings in concerts? Maybe even John, who I heard actually picked up a guitar at his solo show in Oklahoma, and strummed a few bars? Mmmmm... ok - NAW. Not John.

There didn't appear to be any landing gear marks in the ground. This means that this guitarship is a HOVERCRAFT, similar to the skateboard used by Michael J. Fox in the "Back to the Future" series. It moves forwards and backwards, up, down, and lands flat. You can know these things from simple clues when you're a private investigator, you know.

I was wondering "why would this guitarship land in a BAMBOO field? Perhaps the occupants like to EAT bamboo... and here was a ready supply." It's hard to say. Nothing was for sure - except the FACT that "THEY" had been here!

And if "they" were here, then "they" were likely to return - and I was going to be ready for them!

So night after night (why night? I dunno... but that's when the aliens always came out on Close Encounters of the Third Kind and ET, so why not?) I staked out the bamboo field, hiding near the indentation with my night vision glasses, my camera (I had to record this on film!), my hot water bottle (it gets COLD at night), my recliner (might as well be comfortable), my popcorn & Pepsi (they MIGHT be hungry and I'm more than willing to share!) and of COURSE, my boom box set to play the first part of the intro to "Hollow Eyes" over and over again. After all, if you're going to call down aliens from outer space, shouldn't you talk their language?

Now, you MIGHT ask "WHY in the world was I holding a sign?" Well..... just in case they forgot where they had landed previously, I was hoping to help steer them back to the right place. I figured that with the help of "Hollow Eyes" AND a sign (to SHOW them the way) I could help them steer over the horizon, using the magnet of the world to direct their course so they wouldn't be falling up or shakin' the house when they landed.

I was dressed in my work clothes (since I always went right to the fields after work without stopping home to change), I didn't want the aliens to think I was some sort of geek or dweeb, all dressed up. Sure, I could have changed clothes - but who has time for THAT when you're on a lone surveilance? Not me, I'll tell you.

So in order for the aliens to feel like I'm "one of them," I wrote Blue Collar Rock on my sign - to let them know that YES, even though I may LOOK like a "suit" or a "professional" (man, I that word!!!) I was ONE OF THEM - a good old down-to-earth blue collar kinda guy.

I figured they might be familiar with the guys who stand on the street corners with "Will Work for Food" signs in their hands, so perhaps they would also be familiar with those who desperately long for, and have for SO LONG been denied their real, down-to-earth, back to the street and in the arena rockin' ROCK album. Hence the sign.

I knew it was just a matter of time before they appeared.

This went on for nearly 2 months to no avail. Night after night I sat in that field, waiting, watching... scoping the night sky for SOME sign of the guitarship's return.

Until... UNTIL.... OH.. ONE NIGHT... ONE DARK, MOONLESS, STARLESS NIGHT....... oh my... <gasp, pant, wheeze...> just THINKING about it is causing me to experience an asthma attack again.... oh boy.... gotta find that inhaler.... hang on.... <cough, sputter>....
----
Sorry for the long delay, folks... I developed such a bad case of asthma that I was bedridden for a number of days while I captured my breath - in time & space. It felt as though my chest was on fire, and I thought I was experiencing my last daze. But luckily, it is finished. I have it back now. I am available to continue my story that simply goes beyond belief.

I do have to comment - it's remarkable how Gary McSpadden resembles me.... truly amazing. But I can assure you - I am not Gary McSpadden. I am Tootell A. Truth. Always have been, always will. Talk to my mom.... it was her idea.

As I was saying, after numerous nights of absolutely nothing, I heard a rumble in the distance.... it was heard and not seen, until I spotted a sort of hazy light coming from over the horizon.

It grew closer and closer, and as it approached, I could make out the shape - of a GUITAR! THIS WAS IT - THE MOMENT I HAD BEEN WAITING FOR MY ENTIRE PETHEAD LIFE!! It was... The Guitarship!

I crouched down low amongst the bamboo.... never thinking that my recliner, boombox and various other items were a giveaway as to my location.

As I looked to the sky, the guitarship seemed to hover overhead.... did they see me? Did they know I was there? What were they thinking? Were they going to land???

I was scared out of my wits, wanting to turn and run, and yet... an invisible force... sort of like an unseen power.... held me captive.

I hid about 10 feet away from my recliner.... hoping against hope that I would not be seen. Oh wait! It was dark! How could I see what may proceed out of the guitarship? I needed my night vision glasses.... and they were on the OTHER side of the recliner....

----
I knew that if I were to ever get a good description of these aliens, I would have to have help - the glasses were my only hope.

As I crawled through the bamboo, flat as a pancake on my belly, the guitarship started to descend! No time for the glasses now! I froze in mid-crawl, keeping my gaze upwards - just in case they spotted me and wanted to take me to their leader (oh no - WAIT - WRONG SONG - WRONG BAND!!!! EEEEK!)

As the guitarship slowly descended - I noticed an odd sound emitting from it's interior. It was the SAME SONG I had used to 'call them' - the strange sounds at the beginning of 'Hollow Eyes.'

Incredible - THEY WERE ABLE TO ANSWER THE CALL!!! (Oh no - wait - WRONG SONG - WRONG BAND - AGAIN!!!!)

This made me wonder even more - just WHAT would these aliens look like? Will they have eyes? Could they see? Will they even disembark and come and join us earthlings? Since they are definitely not of this world, will they even be ready, willing and able to survive on our planet? Would they want to be friends? With me? With you? Or would I have to run for cover in fear?

These and many other questions raced through my mind as I laid so very still in the cool, dark night.

When suddenly.... from atop the hole in the guitarship.... a hand just reached out..... I SO wanted to reach in, giving my hand in friendship..... I wanted them to take me in .... but NO! That would not be wise, since I did not know if they wanted to meet with me or how long they would even stay.... or (perish the thought!) if this meant war between the alien nation and earth!

To play it safe, I held my ground as the strange beings slowly climbed out from the interior of the guitarship - right before my very eyes!!!

Oh, I tell you - the sight was incredible.... (cough, hack, sputter)... oh no... another attack... can't breathe in... just thinking about it takes my breath away (gag... wheeze.... choke........).... hang on..... gotta find that inhaler again (where IS that thing when you need it???!!!)

---
Now, come on... I TOLD you.... oh, but perhaps you are 80-something and have a touch of OldTimer's Disease. I'm sorry; you have my sympathy.

This is what I had said (quoting my own self):
"Why am I wearing a tie? As you recall, I DO work in an investigation office. My boss, Git D. Lowdown, insists we dress appropriately, which means suit & tie at all times.
Often I pursue my own Petra investigations right after work, not stopping home to change, as that would take away precious time from my MAIN objective - to discover new life and new civilizations, to BOLDLY go where no man has gone before: into the realm of the Petra Flying Guitars."

Why late at night? well.... aliens are not going to come down in BROAD DAYLIGHT, are they? Nooo.... NEVER in the history of unidentified flying object sightings has there EVER been an encounter during the day. They ALL appear at night. I know this because I work at an investigation office. I know the truth. And I am choosing to tell you all.

I don't count the aliens on the X-Files.... they appeared whenever they felt like it. That's TV for ya... never based in reality. I'll bet those writers never went out on a REAL alien stake-out. The whole episodes were figments of their imagination. How sad.

AND.. furthermore - if you really ARE a bona fide Pethead, you would notice that on 3 out of the 5 flying guitar albums, it appears to be DARK outside - even on MPTY, the guitarship is pointed towards an outside opening - and it's DARK out there. To my investigative mind, that means NIGHT would be the best time for a sighting.

While it IS daylight on NSD, I feel this was a BIG mistake on the alien's part. They should have known better than to make an appearance during the day. This is why, on the subsequent albums, it was dark. The little guys learned. Dark is better. Much safer. Earthly Petheads stop at NOTHING to dig, investigate and discover the truth. I'm sure there must have been some close encounter, as show on the NSD album. SOMEONE was at the guitarship! Note the bullet-like pattern in the water, and the smoldering battleship in the background. Looks to me like our little aliens WON and were STILL on the offense, launching yet another missile from the guitarship's interior.

I sure would love to investigate THAT story.... wonder if anything is written in the Navy's history books on THAT battle? Probably not... another Roswell episode, if you ask me.

Now, you WILL notice on BTTS it appears to be DUSK. In my professional opinion, this indicates somewhat of a willingness to take a chance on being seen during daylight once again.

HOWEVER - THIS guitarship seems to have some sort of 'cloaking device' similar to the Klingons of Star Trek fame. Why do I say that, you ask?

Notice the 'wings,' and how you can see through the guitarship. This particular ship is 'see-through' - a DEFINITE INDICATION of an advanced life form, years before their time. I would venture to guess that the Klingons learned this technology from our little alien Pethead boys.

I shall continue my story shortly.... it is very late, and I must get some rest. It still is difficult for me to sleep at night, knowing that *I* - of all the Petheads - had a REAL alien encounter!
----
You should believe me because I have major connections to THE TRUTH.

THE REAL and ONLY TRUTH: Jesus Christ.

I noticed on another thread (now buried amongst the tons of junk) that someone was asking about my clothing and persona.

I am moving this thread to the top, in hopes he will see and read about me.

Once I'm satisfied that I have his attention, I will move on with my story.
----
Forgive me for my absence... we've had a couple of busy, busy days at the office.

It seems like everyone wanted some investigating done - in fact, my boss even received a number of calls from Petheads that there was an evil spammer - HERE - on the Petra Zone, saying and crude remarks about John Schlitt.

Well, I should certainly say that we are ON THE CASE as we speak, and will stop at nothing to route out and track down annoying spammers. After all, we certainly can't have this sort of thing going on. We are "Private Eye, Ears, Nose & Throat Investigation," a detective agency dedicated to snoop out the TRUTH on anyone and everything known to man. Remember our motto: "We will stop at NOTHING to get to the bottom of this!"

PRIVATE EYES - they're WATCHING YOU.... they see your every move.... (man, I love Hall & Oates!)

So... with that said - back to my incredible encounter.

As I crouched low in the bamboo, the guitarship aliens began climbing out of the guitarship.... one after another... and they just kept coming... and coming.... and going... and going... out into the bamboo field.

I could see the guitarmen waiting to file out the guitarhole - as they stood in line to get out (they were VERY orderly), they were peering through the guitarship's rose colored stained glass windows, as if looking for something - or some one!

I held my breath as I watched them de-ship. I had never seen anything such as this! They had the form of a human being, and yet... there was something definitely NOT human about them. Definitely NOT of this world.

For one thing - they did have some sort of clothes on, but their SKIN - it didn't stay white or tan like a human. It continually CHANGED to match their environment - just like a CHAMELEON! When they came out of the guitarship, their skin matched that of the ship - but when they walked through the bamboo - it turned green. Very odd... but very usefull, if you're trying to hide from prying eyes such as mine.

Another odd thing was this: instead of fanning out, like a normal search party would do - they stayed single file, with one guitarman in the lead while the others followed him like he was the Pied Piper! This long string of guitarmen criss-crossed the field in long lines, back and forth, looking for something. Maybe they wanted to occupy the world???!!!!! And they were going to start with me!!??

I couldn't believe that they didn't see me - did they have blinded eyes? Or perhaps they searched not by sight - but by sound? After all, they DID arrive in a guitarship. Guitars make SOUND - that is their main function.

I couldn't take it any more... my curiosity and desire to make contact got the best of my better judgement.

I decided to stand up, wave my arms in the air (sort of like you see John Schlitt and all the Petheads do during some of the praise songs). I hoped that perhaps the guitarmen could relate to "the wave."

Within seconds they were all over me, looking, prodding, inquiring - DEMANDING to know the TRUTH: just WHERE IS the ROAD TO ZION???!!!

The TRUTH!!! YEAH!! That's ME! My name! They DEFINITELY came to the RIGHT PLACE!

I became so nervous, so excited that they were actually COMMUNICATING with me in a language I could understand... I couldn't speak. My asthma attack was coming on strong and heavy.... I couldn't breathe....I had to catch my second wind.....somehow.....

[calicowriter]

WOW, that is some tale! I'll have to admit, I'm more than a little curious at what this album cover looks like. I hope someone can find it.

[eknock]

here is the pic

[eknock]

Now I seriously think that is a pretty sweet cd cover concept. Mabye modify it a little bit, but I even like "Blue Collar Rock" as a title...

[calicowriter]

Ah!!! The story makes a lot more sense now!

Actually, the first thing I thought of when I saw this guy is the song "It's All About Who You Know." I work with a lot of guys who are "tied in and networked" to the max---cell phones and pages on their belts, PDAs or Blackberries in hand. Too much technology makes me nervous, but that is probably just a personal problem!

[RockOn]

I may be totally off base here, but am I the only one who thinks the crop circle guy looks like Pauly Shore?

Just wondering.

[Shell]

There is a bit of a resemblance, LOL. I think clueless is too kind a word for this dude.

I needed a laugh.

[Jonathan]

Pauly did his best work in Son in Law, I'm sure.

[PetraFan007]

This legal stuff is all bs. If I win the lottery, I'd go right up there and get the masters myself (if they exist) and make it RIGHT...by getting trusted petheads who have the skills to do it.

Corporate scumbags....they make the world turn 'round.