What to do when you walk outside and your pants are off

[bakersfieldpethead]

It was like any other normal day. I got up and got dressed and walked outside to get the paper that someone through into my yard. I picked up the paper and begin to read the front page.

There was something about an accidental shooting and a dentist who set a world record by drilling all the way to china with his little drill. Oh some stories are funny and some are funny as well. But I begin to read the stories on the page, and in between a few periods I would look up to find people laughing with me so I would read on.

Oh the stories they seemed like they would never end, page after page of happenings in the world, but laughter spread throughout my block. I decided it was time for me to go back into the house and start breakfast when to my surprise the front door was locked, I stood there for a few seconds wondering �How did the door get locked?� I also answered myself with �I don�t know?�

My brilliant mind always comes in handy at these times in my life, so I begin to search for a key in my pocket, �That�s odd, where did my pockets go?� I asked, again I answered myself �I don�t know�

It then came to me, these people on my block were not laughing at funny stories, but they were laughing at me. I couldn�t find a key for you see I had no pants on.

Quickly I darted behind a bush, but that didn�t seem to work for its winter and there are no leaves at the moment. I ran around to the back of the house realizing of cores that I had a brand new audience awaiting my arrival. It seemed hopeless, I was outside with no pants on and I couldn�t seem to find a way back into my house. Finally it hit me, I should grab the baseball bat over in the corner and bash the window in�..so I did, but my alarm went off and I was outside with no pants on, I soon found out I hit the wrong window and couldn�t climb inside.

Oh it wasn�t but maybe a half hour later, the police pull up and see me outside with no pants on and a baseball bat in my hand. My nabors tried to help and told the officer that I didn�t live there and told them that I was just running up and down the streets in my underwear. I got sick to my stomach and threw up on the police officer�he thought I was drunk, I wasn�t going to argue with him because I watched �COPS� on fox before and I knew when to answer and when not to answer. But like anyone who guest stars on �COPS� you go to the complete opposite of what common sense tells you.

I told him the nabor grabbed my cloths and tried to rape me, it didn�t work because now the nice police man thought I was high. I finally got back into my house, after about three days in jail for throwing the bat at the police car�..this all wouldn�t have happened had I remembered to put some pants on before I walked outside. But better days are ahead, I think I�ll go get the paper now�����oh crud not again!

[SamScales]

Sheesh, you come up with some stories!!!!!! As I was reading it, I could just see it happening, hehehehe. This could be on "Cops" LOL

[executioner]

An image just ran through my brain that I didn't need to see. YUCK!

[epdc]

steven, please, answer my emails, you know is important.

[bakersfieldpethead]

next time i'll take a photo.......lol

sam, i don't know where i come up with these stories either.....all I know is I have DSL now and these simptoms are going to happen a lot more now.